Guess what? This is a write up about one of the most important discoveries of all times. What is that? Toilet!!! Yeah, right.. Now, if you are a lady, you already are thinking of closing this page. And if you are a man, and if you aren’t open to this kind of talk, you are a lady.
Why write about toilets all of a sudden? That’s because I am in a country of butt-wipers right now (USA) and I have no one to talk to and nothing to talk about. So let me talk about shit. Oh no, not shit, but the place that holds it once it feels the free air of the earth for a fraction of a second, before the gravity kills its freedom and sends into the depths of the thing that you will read about in the following paragraphs.
Who invented toilet? Who invented the Indian style commode? Who invented the western style commode? Who crossed the two and made an Indo-western commode? Who invented urinal? Who cares?
You know, I was a bit surprised to see the urinals in our office here. The Kohler urinals are waterless. I think Kohler has polished the inner surface to such an extent that no drops are left on the walls are every drop (even the last one that falls after vigorous shaking) is flushed out by the smooth surface. Smooth surface!!! Did Kohler use Lux soap to polish the urinal? Anyway, they did make a smooth surface that removes the last drop of pee. But what if the last drop of pee doesn’t fall in the basin? What if it falls on the floor below? I think the next task for the toilet designers should be to have a sensor in front of the urinal that measures the size of the mickey and the distance between the toilet and the guy and displays messages like, “come one inch closer to avoid dropping your last drop on the floor” or something like that.
Alright, the urinal is waterless, so it flushes out the last drop of your pee. But it isn’t perfect. It doesn’t remove those strands of pubic hair that are left behind by some psycho pissers who can’t trim their balls once in a while. So the next pisser (I, usually) has to push those strands towards the bottom hole of the urinal with my pee. It is fun, try it.
Sorry girls (if you actually are still reading this), so far the topic was not in your interest. Let’s talk about shitpits now, the big toilets. How about starting with the most hygienic, the Indian styled? Nothing much to say actually. I read somewhere that they are the perfect for humans because they give pressure at the right spots (tummy) and release pressure from the right spots (rear end). So you won’t have to try hard to succeed.
And these western commodes… I never knew until I came here that there are automatic flushes for these too. Well, now I know, but I also know that they don’t work if you pee in them standing. And the toilets here don’t have those taps for a hands-free washing. They consider that the water droplets on the seat are unhygienic. But will the wiped butt be totally hygienic? How effective is paper on a hairy butt? I am not sure, but I think I know the right person to answer this question, especially because right at this moment, he too is in USA.
And these people recycle everything, except the toilet paper. Why this discrimination?
